Apparently it has almost been an entire year since I have blogged. A lot has happened in the past year that has really made me change my perspective of everything in life. I’ve really grown into a new person and figured out who I want to be. Looking back on my adolescence and even just the past few years, I realize that my perspective of the world was very skewed. In my eyes, the people with the most importance, purpose, and power were ones of fame and fortune. Namely people with musical talents whom were lucky enough to share them with the entire world and have their voice be heard. To me, that was the pinnacle of success. I found myself living vicariously through different artists and trying to find something within me that was good enough to be heard. I wanted to be heard. The thing that I didn’t realize is that I didn’t even know what I wanted to say or who I wanted to speak to. I just wanted to “be somebody”. After being out on my own and experiencing the world a little bit, I have seen the mighty worth of souls and the Hands that have prepared them. The “heroes” whom are noticed in this world, oftentimes, are ones of power, talent, strength, and fame. What about the poor, humble and hard working man who gives away the only food that he has left to someone he feels is in greater need? Or the woman who goes out of her way to visit the sick? To the rest of the world, people like this probably go unnoticed. Not to me. You’d be surprised how many heroes are among us every day. I have found that the people whom I look up to the most are people just like this. People who wake up every day and play their very small part in the world. Their jobs aren’t life-changing, they don’t have a lot of money, very few people know their name, but the impression that they leave is bigger than all of those things. The sincerity in their actions and the spirit that they carry with them is worth so much more than a name in lights. These are the people that I now aspire to be. Someone who is meek, humble, prayerful, diligent, honest, loving, and faithful. The world may not care to hear the songs I have written or the messages I have shared, but at least I know now that the worth of a soul isn’t measured by the amount of people who know my name. If I can better the life of just one soul on this earth, I will have done my part. We are all “somebody” and our worth is great.
None of us know how long our journey on this Earth will be. Tomorrow is not always a promise. Would you be ready if it were to be taken away from you today? Would you be able to look back on your life and feel that you did everything you possibly could to make this world a better place? Did you help the people around you who needed it or did you ignore the pain under their scar covered eyes and pretend they didn’t need saving? There are so many broken people in this world. People we associate with every day. Even people we are close to. Everybody has some piece of them that is broken. We start out in this world as something polished and untouched, but the world is quick to change that. The smallest of things can effect us and we don’t even know it. We go on with our lives until one day we look in the mirror and realize we’ve become weathered by the storm. This life is a journey and we can’t do it alone. A simple smile to the people around us can make the weathering a little easier. For them and for us. I’ve been the girl who could have reached out her hand to someone she knew was in need, but let fear and selfishness push it away. And I have also been the girl who needed nothing more than a hug and someone who genuinely cared just to get by, but was left with nothing by the people around her. If we just do everything we can to be a better person and be better to the people around us, this whole journey would be a lot easier. I don’t know about you, but the day I die, I want to have hands that are weathered by the lives I’ve touched and the work I’ve done to help the people around me, not by the people I’ve pushed down and pushed away. Reach out your hand. Every life is worth saving.
If there is one thing I have learned during my time in Nashville it’s that things will happen that are out of our control, and how we respond to those situations is what is most important. By the time I leave Nashville this Sunday to return home to Orlando, FL, my stay in Nashville will have been a few days shy of three months. Now in the grand scheme of things, three months is like a blink of an eye, but what I have learned in the past three months is almost more than I’ve learned in a lifetime. I’ve learned about myself in ways that I thought I’d never be able to. Everything that once made me weak is what has held me together these past few months out on my own. I’ve made my weaknesses my strengths and my strengths have become more valuable than I could have ever imagined. I’ve found myself on my knees praying more than I ever have before and relying on the Lord’s guidance in everything I do. I’ve found myself thanking God for my hardships and asking Him to give me the strength to endure them so that I can become a stronger person. I’ve found myself crying more than I ever have before. Not just tears of sadness, but tears of joy. Humble tears. Tears that show the world how truly thankful I am for the opportunities I have been given. And tears that have simply showed the world that I’m only human and it’s okay to cry when you feel alone. I’ve not only faced my fears, but I’ve embraced them. I’ve tucked myself in every night remembering what it felt like to be kissed goodnight by my father and know that if I felt alone, he’d be there right beside me to comfort me. I held onto that and it kept me going. For the first time, I was able to take everything my parents have taught me and put it to use. I’ve taken everything I’ve learned from them and then used my own judgment to make decisions. Sometimes I ended up alone on the floor, and sometimes I ended up where I wanted to be. But at the end of every day, I was grateful that I was given the experience. I’ve never felt more alone, afraid, or unsure than I have the past three months. But in those three months, I also felt more humble, blessed, and thankful than I ever have in my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. This world is beautiful and the experiences we are given will only make us better if we let them.
So today is my three week mark of living in Nashville and it has definitely had it’s ups and downs. I was always so sure of myself as a person and an artist until I got here. I’ve been surrounded by so much talent and ambition and instead of drawing from it, I’ve been letting it draw from me. I’ve been slowly losing all that is unique about me as an artist and almost handing it over to the ones I find superior to me. So I’m making a change. My good friend said something to me tonight that stuck with me. He said, “this is your world and you have the power to make it whatever you want it to be.” I’ve been adapting to my world around me instead of making my world adapt to me. I have to take control and stop looking for the approval of the ones around me or I will never be satisfied. I’ve heard it a million times, but it has put on a whole new meaning for me now. The only thing that’s stopping me from doing what I’ve always wanted is myself. I’ve been blaming others for so long. It’s so easy to look up to people I admire and respect and feel so small compared to them. I feel like I’m never going to reach as high as they are, so there’s no point in trying. That’s pretty much been my thought process for the past two weeks and I’m definitely seeing the results of that now. It’s crazy how quickly negative thoughts can start controlling my mind if I let them. It’s all about taking control. I’ve thanked God every day for the kind people who have come into my life these past couple of weeks. It means the world to me when someone makes an effort to make me feel welcome in this crazy and new world. I’m so new to this industry and the people surrounding it. It’s going to take a long time for me to be completely secure and content with this new life, but I know that doors are being opened for me to experience it and I need to step inside or I’ll never know what could be. I’m looking forward to the road ahead and the new faces I’m going to meet and I’m so grateful for the ones who have already made their mark in this journey. My life is just getting started and I can’t wait.
Nine years ago today, our nation was brought together through tragedy. We saw so many acts of heroism from the members of our great country that day. Everyone stood by eachother as a nation. For that short time after 9/11 took place, our country was one. There was no hatred or segregation; we were all just one in purpose and one in spirit. I pray that we can become more like that as a nation and that we can keep the heroes of that day in our hearts forever. Never forget!
I’ve always been so fascinated by children, especially more so since my little brother came along three years ago. I love their ability to love everyone unconditionally. Their meek, gentle, and teachable souls. Their bright, wonderous eyes. I think each of us needs to find these things deep within us. The things that the world has tainted throughout our years on this earth. We’ve become so quick to judge and hate, and somewhere within us we find excuses for it. We could be missing out on getting to know some amazing people by judging their outward appearance and I think that’s really sad. So try something new today; open your heart. You might find that this world really is as wonderful as children see it.
Here is a poem I wrote in 2007 when I was 15. I wanted it to eventually become a song, but nothing ever came of it musically, so I just kept it as a poem. I’d like to share it with you guys. :)
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Who am I but a shadow on the ground
A tiny little sound
Unheard by all the world?
Who am I but a tiny grain of sand
A broken heart left in your hand?
I’m afraid and unsure of what I might endure
To get where I can love again
To get where I can live again.
With a haze over my head
So many things are left unsaid
I’m unsure and want nothing more
Than to love and live again
I wake up with all my fears
And the weight of all these years
Rising higher once again.
Who am I but a dream that’s gone astray
Just another rainy day over your head?
I’d like to be your sunshine instead.
Who am I but a breeze that passes by
A tiny glimpse left in your eye
A broken heart left in your hand?
I would like to be your everything instead.
I am so unbelievably humbled by all of the amazing people who have made this week unforgettable for me. I am so unbelievably blessed to have been led to people who are good, wholesome people. Nashville is such an amazing place and has answered my prayers in more ways than I could even imagine. I will blog more about my amazing adventure once I officially get home in a little over a week.
Becca
Whether we like it or not, our birthday will come every year. Sometimes without any warning of the inconveniences and hardships it’s going to bring with it. By the time I’m done writing this blog, mine will be upon arrival. I only have a few more minutes as a young, free eighteen year old. Reality is setting in and so is responsibility. I can’t believe how quickly nineteen years has flown by. It seems like just yesterday I was jumping on the trampoline with my cousins, having slumber parties, running through the sprinklers, and catching butterflies. Now I’m planning my move away from home and figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. It’s sad how quickly the young, lively, innocent child can disappear from us. I’ve been reflecting a lot on the past years and have seen the change I’ve gone through. I’m a completely different person than I was even a year ago. The good thing is, I have changed in a lot more good ways than bad. I’ve overcome so many fears and anxieties this past year and I’m so blessed because of it. I hope that this wonderful year of nineteen will be on my side once again and that I can get one step closer to where I want to be.
The Famebot.
Published June 2, 2010 Uncategorized Leave a CommentTags: becca, fame, fortune, howes, industry, music, singer, songwriter
Fame is a very weird thing. I had never really thought about it until now, but it’s actually a very strange concept and the concept of it bothers me in a lot of ways. I think the part that bothers me the most is that the only way an artist is taken seriously is if they are associated with big name people in the music industry. I’ve experienced this from a personal stand-point and it’s not cool at all. The thing that baffles me is that all of the “big” stars in the industry started out in the EXACT same place I am in right now. Everybody has to start somewhere. I think people, especially in the industry, lose sight of that very quickly. They work hard playing bars trying to get noticed and then once they get their “fame” or whatever it is that they’re after, they’re out of there. The once compassionate, hard working artist turns into a robotic money making performer. I know that this cannot be said of all artists out there because I know of plenty who have fame and fortune, but are still grounded and humble, but I do see a lot of greed in the industry. Also, there are a lot of artists in the music industry who honestly are not talented. So many of them use autotune to fix their voice, sell their bodies for more record sales, and sing about sexual things. Last time I checked, music was about art, passion, and talent. I am not saying that I deserve to be in their place or that I am more talented than those individuals in the industry, but I do know this; there are a lot of people who put their heart and soul into their music and who leave tears on their guitar from the passion they’ve put into their art. It’s a shame that people don’t see that for what it is and embrace it.
